The Why

If I was given a dollar for all the times I have been asked, 'are you crazy?' or 'why would you want or take more kids?' or 'why do you give money if you yourself need it?' I would be financially set for life. 

Ok, well maybe that was a slight exaggeration but I would have one heck of a spending account.  As of late I've actually felt very worn down by the questions. Questions so often presented innocently and sometimes I don't think so innocently at all. 

It's easy sometimes to change our focus from the 'why' of what we do to the things and circumstances around us. So, after feeling worn down slightly I decided to remind myself of the why and share it. 

Because you see, if we forget the reason we are doing what we are doing it becomes so easy to get off track. I truly believe that is right where the devil wants us, questioning what God has told us in our hearts and in His word. If you think about it that's how he deceived Eve and look at the ramifications that had, so now onto the why...

'Why do we have so many children?'

Well, we believe what God said in Psalms 127:3-5 'Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.' Plus sometimes the cable isn't working and things happen (cause we hear that all the time too!!!)

'Do you know how much work they are and/or your life is?' 

Yes, we do this every day and we think its worth it. We are fully aware and able to understand exactly what goes into a day in our life.  It really doesn't mean that we aren't going to be tired or even worn out at times. But we also know that anything worth anything is often difficult while doing it, but the blessings far outweigh the effort it took.  'Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it.' 1 Corinthians 9:24. 

We know that in ourselves we are not equipped for ANY of this not one single piece. Which is why the following is such a special scripture for me. "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of  Christ may rest upon me' 2 Corinthians 12:9 

'Why do you homeschool?'

We homeschool because its fun and easy and I'm an amazing teacher - NOT! We homeschool because we believe, for us, and for where God is taking US, it is our best option. We have had people say they don't know how we do it - we don't either. But we do know that God called us to it and quitting because it would be easier is not an option. We are not trying to get each of our children into Harvard (although I wouldn't complain if they did) we are however wanting to take every opportunity to help them become what God has for them and we want each of them to know and love God. God can and truly will make up for anything we have missed or skipped. He is enough. 

' You know how expensive they are? How will you eve pay for college?'

We're counting on them all being geniuses and getting full ride scholarships- haha! Not! We are however counting on God doing just what His word says which is "And my God shall supply all our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19. Our God knows our needs and we know our needs and responsibilities. We do what we can as He leads and we believe Him to accomplish all those things beyond us. We are trying to learn ourselves, while teaching our children to enjoy our dependency on God. And we are not claiming to be perfect at this, there are moments where we have doubted, moments where we have made financial mistakes, but thankfully God's faithfulness is not based on what we do right or wrong it is based on WHO He is and He is enough. He promises to walk through everything right there with us, the good the bad and the ugly. "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 And then there's this goodie, "Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in my House, And try Me now in this," says the Lord of hosts, " If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such a blessing That there will not be room enough to contain it." Malachi 3:10

"Why do you give when you have needs?'

Because are needs are greater than our ability to meet them. So, we sow trusting God to repeat a harvest. No farmer starts out the year with enough produce. He starts off with seeds that have the potential to bring in a harvest that will take him way beyond his needs currently. I remember growing up and my mom having a garden she'd plant a few tomato plants. She would take the most amazing care of those plants; she'd weed, and water. Every year, even with all the picking she would do there would be some that would be wasted. Some that would fall to the ground and wouldn't make it, that's extra. We're counting on God to provide enough plus the extra that as we sow, He will make up the difference and He hasn’t failed yet. The other side to the sowing is yes, while we may have planned to have $350 for groceries this week, but a friend has NOTHING for groceries; is it possible that we could due with $200 and give them $150? Most of the time the answer is yes, we could. And if God leads us to do something like that He will stretch that $150 beyond what we ever could have done with that $350.

'Why would you take kids when you already have so much going on and little space?'

We have recently decided as a family that we are going to help displaced kids and help them avoid the foster care system by temporally housing them while their parents work to get themselves to a stable place. This was not a decision that was made lightly or without weighing the risks and sacrifices our family would be making. But there are times that God calls you out of your comfort zone and into a new place. We knew the financial responsibilities there would be, we knew the energy draining it could take, and we also knew it wouldn't necessarily all be easy, but we did decide it was worth it. Why? Well, because these kids are worth it and these families are worth it. And please hear my heart when I say this, we are nothing amazing this isn't an easy thing but it is a thing that is worth it. We have had this particular placement for just over a week and there have been challenges and it has cost more than I had planned and it hasn't always been convenient (there is no 'quick' run anywhere with 10 kids), we have had to adjust our schedules and school & chores. But I want to share what has been, there have been tears for mommy and daddy, there has been laughter and relationships built. We have watched our kiddos share their favorite toys with grace. Nayah (our 4 yr old) has handed off her favorite Mickey toy 'so that the boys have something to sleep with'. They have shared their clothes and realized just how much they really have, they have cleaned up messes they didn't make, and have learned to serve even when they don't 'feel' like it. They have learned and are continuing to learn, God has called us here, to this place to, be His hands and feet to lead others to Him. And there have been messy days!! Days where no one wants to share or just a look is enough to get someone upset, but we are learning that there are always opportunities for us to grow. We have not been perfect and never will be, but we have learned the in our weakness He is strong. 

Please understand we, in no way, are telling anyone how to live. How and what you choose for your family is entirely between you and God. Just always be open to allow Him to take you beyond all the reasons you can't or shouldn't do what He's asking you to do =) And when we see someone feeling overwhelmed or questioning let's come along side and help them remember their why! We are simply reminding ourselves and sharing with others why we have chosen to do what we do. Also, its helped me realize that when we ask questions we need to think, are our questions (even those based in concern) building someone up or wearing on them. Thanks for reading and letting me remember the 'why' behind what we do. 

The Him in you is enough!!

If you are anything like me, Mother's Day may be a time of reflecting. Sometimes, we use this time to try and measure ourselves, our successes, and our 'failures'. But I want to challenge all the Mommas, to just spend this time celebrating the AMAZING little ones you have been entrusted with right now. 

For some of you Mommas, you may have birth children that you intend to have forever, but don't let that feeling of having forever, rob you of the joy in TODAY. The opportunities for you to teach something today, for you to give that extra squeeze today, for you to be 'interrupted' today to paint nails or fix broken toys. Embrace today and all that it holds. Hug those babies extra hard, let the little things be just that, the little things, and take every chance to build that child up today. 

There are some of you who may be in a fill-in Mom type situation, or you're a foster mom and are dealing with all the drama that is included in that area of serving. You aren't promised any particular length of time and you may struggle with allowing yourself to become too attached, or perhaps you're loving a little one who doesn't know how to love you back. Today, I hope you can lay aside all expectation and stress and just celebrate the opportunity you have to plant an amazing seed. The hard thing with your job is you may never see that seed grow, mature or change at all, but you've done your part. And I'd like to thank you, there are people who appreciate you more than you will ever know. You have changed more little lives in more ways than you may even understand. God sees, God hears, and God understands your burdens, your love and your heart better than anyone else. Rest in knowing you're helping be His hands and feet in this hurt and broken world. 

Some Mommas have lost their babies and no matter what age that may have happened it was too soon! For you Mommas, I'm praying for peace and good memories. Memories that will help you smile through the tears and memories that will help you continue to live this life. 

There may even be some Moms who have that wayward child or the estranged child, may God's grace and comfort, be enough. The Word you planted is promised not to return void. The seed you planted will have results. Be encourage, the story isn't over yet. 

Sometimes as a Momma its just so easy to feel like we have fallen short in one area or another, and the truth is we probably have! I'm sure that's not what you were wanting to hear, but there is a great peace in that. God who knows all and knows each of our personal situations and each of our personalities, still CHOOSE YOU to be the Momma of your little one. Always strive to do your best but know that its in your weakness that He is made strong. He is not scared of our weakness in fact the sooner we embrace our need for Him in our parenting the sooner we will have the results that we are looking for in our babies. 

I've included a clip from my favorite movie below, I hope it blesses you as much as it does me. If you've never seen it, GET IT!! 

Moms: A great reminder that you are ENOUGH!

Posted by Moms' Night Out on Friday, May 8, 2015

Obedience... Are they learning that from me!?!?!

Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart-- Psalms 119:2

There are so many times in parenthood that I expect obedience, no questions asked, no arguing, no complaining, just obedience. As a parent, I want my children to obey me not just because I'm some wacky control freak, but for their good. I want them to obey so that we don't loose precious time over silly things. I want them to obey from the heart and with a good attitude, because I know there are benefits linked to their obedience. I want obedience because I know the order that it brings to our home and life. I know how much smoother things will run if everyone is just doing their part and not having to do the jobs of others. 

It hit me hard today, that God wants obedience from me for all those very same reasons. He sees benefits that I can not. He sees the path of my life becoming clearer and clearer to me, as I obey Him. He wants obedience because He doesn't want me to waste the limited, precious time He's given me on this earth. He wants obedience so that the mission He has for His people is carried out, but not in a way that it is too much for any one person.  He wants us all carrying our weigh doing what we love; what He's put in us, so that others are led to Him. He wants us to obey, to show our love for Him. 

As a parent, lately, I've been feeling like my children just haven't been 'hearing' me. I feel like I've been going through one of those times where I say the same things a MILLION times. And honestly, I've been so frustrated in this season. But tonight, as I struggled to do something I'm just not called to do, God showed me something. What I'm seeing in my children merely a reflection of where I am and have been with God! Now, I'd be lying if I said this revelation made me happy or made me feel all warm and fuzzy, but thank God for His honesty when dealing with us!!! 

So let me encourage you, obey God QUICKLY, without reserve or hesitation. Obey Him as if someone else is waiting for the blessing of your obedience. Obey Him, seek Him, and love Him above all else. Don't allow your mind, emotions, or the negative thoughts of others to keep you from obeying without hesitation. It's in that place of obedience that you will find the rest and peace that you long for, and I will dare to say that in that place of obedience you will find your full provision. 

Peter had to step out of the boat, and sometimes we get that far!  And thats great, we often step out of the boat and start to obey God, but then we take our eyes off Him somewhere in the midst of an 

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G God-experience and then we just sink. So when we step out in obedience let us remember not to look backwards, sideways, or at the obstacles but rather lets keep our eyes focused on the One who upholds us. 

Truth to Out Weigh The Heavy Days

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

Ever have a 'heavy day'?  One of those says where nothing goes 'majorly wrong' but you just feel heavy.  Well, if I'm honest with myself its been one of those days for me for a couple of months.  Now keep in mind, although I have a few extra pounds on that's not the heavy I'm talking about.  Its that emotional, physical, and spiritual heaviness. 

I've realized there are a few reason or things that will cause or lead me to this place. And God is always right there and willing to help us out of that place. 

1. When I don't spend enough time with God.  

It sounds so silly!  How is it that we can get so busy with all the amazing 'things' or the great life God has given us that we neglect our relationship with Him?  When we can get to the place of truly keeping Him at the center of all that we do and being aware of Him throughout our day we will experience such peace. But maintaining peace is not a something that just happens, just like out relationship with God. We must be initial with our time and resources. Our relationship and dependance on God needs to be our number one priority and as we keep that one priority in place the others will fall into place.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

2. When I do not keep my mind focused.

The Bible is so clear about what we are to be thinking about. The Bible says, in Philippians 4:8, that we should think on things that are true, just, pure, and lovely just to name a few. Most of the time if left to its own way, the mind will wonder to places and thoughts outside of the things listed in Philippians. You can think of it like a boat, a boat that is not initially being directed it can end up anywhere! Focus and clear direction will cause the boat to reach its destination. If we do not 'direct' our minds, they will wonder. 

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5


3. When I allow myself to become worn out. 

God gave us a body and we have to take care of it.  There are times that our needs rest. I think that sometimes, especially as moms, we can push and push and push our physical bodies to a point they were never meant to be pushed to reach.  Just think about it, if even God had to rest a day, how much more so does out body need rest?

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19 & 20

I also know that my parenting can be affected by the heaviness. So, its important to our kids, our husbands, and ourself to be at our best for the call He's placed on our life.  Our world can be heavy, the things of this world can be heavy, but we have a hope that goes beyond all that!  God never created us to carry the weights of this world ourself.  He want us to lean on Him, depend on Him, and let Him lead us.

A lesson from the garden...

  I'm going to start off by saying, I'm really honest; with that being said, please don't judge me =)

As a mom I try so hard to make the things that are important to my kids important to me, even if they're things I don't like or that I'm not good at and one of those very things is the basis for this lesson. 

One of my daughters loves everything in nature!  She loves animals, every kind (except snakes)!!  She has a beautiful sensitive heart and I just adore her.  She is one of those kids that is generally easy to parent and her kind heart just makes you want to go out of your way to bless her. 

Well, said child has been asking for a flower garden for a LONG time.  I've attempted to purchase seeds and start this garden.  And by attempted I mean Ive purchased the seeds and even started to turn the area and that was the end of that. I ended up enlisting the help of my mom on one of her visits.  I felt like a failure having my child do this with my mom because I wanted to do this for her and with her.  But I felt worse with the amount of time that had passed with me not accomplishing this task. 
  Well, the garden never really grew =( I don't know if it was the seeds or the dirt or what.  We had to travel for a few weeks and maybe it just didn't get the attention it needed.  So two weekends ago, I decided it was time to make this happen for my little lady.  And I did it the easiest and fastest way I knew how, and chose to do it GUILT-FREE.  I sent my little lady with her Daddy to the local store to purchase some 'ready to go' flowers.  I had them go pick out 4 different pots and when they got home I planted them with her and her sister in a little bed.  We weeded, turned the bed, and flipped those little plants right out of their pots and into the ground. It took only a couple hours.  We laid some pretty mulch and my little lady was very happy.  The moral of the story is this, God taught/showed me so much through this little experience and I want to share it with you.  The lessons apply to so many things, not just gardens ;-) But all sort of things that we as moms think are good 'measures' of success. 

Lesson 1 - Don't procrastinate and if its important, schedule it!
  
First thing, I kept delaying this process because it was something I wasn't naturally good at or drawn toward.  And I never 'scheduled' the time to accomplish it so therefore, it took forever to get accomplished.
  
Second- I was dreading this project because I had unrealistic expectations.  My mom always had a HUGE amazing garden, my aunt is great with plants, and my other aunt went to school for horticulture.  I grew up in this family of amazing people with great green thumbs and I don't like dirt! I'm not a great gardener and it was always an area that I felt inadequate. Yet in my mind, you were a 'good' mom if you had a garden.  And just a garden wasn't enough, by garden I mean a garden in which you grew everything from seeds, yourself!  The kind that requires way more time than this momma of eight has time for.  Because I couldn't dedicate the time needed to accomplish the task the 'right way' or what I though was the right way it wasn't done at all. There are times we need to adjust what we deem as the 'right' way.  Are we measuring the 'right' way by what GOD says or by what we have seen other do. 

Lesson 2- Unrealistic expectations are not fair to myself and put all sort of pressures that God never intended for me to experience.  God doesn't measure my success as a mom on whether or not I have an organic garden, so I shouldn't either.  And thankfully most of the time, our kids don't expect as much as we feel we should be giving.  She was so happy to have flowers to care for and pick; she was thrilled we spent the time together. 

Now, I don't want to be misunderstood by seeming like 'instant gratification' is always the answer; it isn't! But sometimes, we just complicate our lives by expecting more from ourselves and others than what is fair. I want to encourage you to seek God, ask Him to show you where in your mothering you're expecting too much from yourself and where you may be complicating things.  He's so faithful to lead us and guide us if we seek Him.  

Deuteronomy 4:29 - But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Proverbs 4:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct (and make straight) your paths. 

Be Thankful For The Tissues!!!

I want to preface this blog by saying we are all at different places in our walk with God; this is just something God laid on my heart to share.  There is no condemnation or criticism here.

The last few months have just been a struggle, there's no nicer way to say it.  We have all been through different struggles. Some might think that the things I'm dealing with are not even difficult, but for me they have been. Most importantly God cares and understands.  

There have been financial losses and hardships, there have been sick kids, non-sleeping kiddos, death in families close to us, and other things that have caused me to approach God's throne with anything but confidence.  

And honestly my questions, fears, and concerns have at times left me with an ungrateful attitude.  I haven't meant to have it, but the distance between where we are and God's best seems so GREAT.  It caused me to become frustrated.  God ever so graciously corrected me the other day in a way that made me smile =)

I had this HUGE grocery list, one of those that was just several hundred dollars worth.  Even with my coupons it was more than I had hoped to spend that week.  I was getting ready to go to the store; I was waiting on Ry to get home.  He came home and with him brought a HUGE package of tissues.  The very one I had on my list.  I usually buy a 8 or 10 count box at BJ's.  I should have said that at the time we all had colds or sinus infections; our noses were all raw.  At the moment, my husband coming in with some Puffs was such a blessing.  Especially since it saved me $15.  

The tissues were just a small little something that God provided.  But for me it went beyond the tissues; God cared.  Someone had donated so many to Ryan's job that they couldn't use them all or give them away.  God met a need, and in all honesty it was a silly need, but He cared about it.  It was the caring about little old me, dealing with lots of yucky noses, and feeling slightly fried that blessed me.  And when I looked at my HUGE list, His gentle reminder was 'be thankful for the tissues', don't look at what you still need'. In this moment, stop and be thankful was the message. 

So often we may feel like we are entitled to more than we have because of the promises of God.  And although there may be truth to what is available to us, today I'm choosing to be thankful for the tissues.  I don't have it all figured out. I know I don't have the same challenges as some, but God cares just as much about mine as theirs.  I may not have all of my questions answered about some things that have transpired, but I know that God cares about the tissues. 

Sometimes we are so busy or concerned looking for God to 'meet' us or 'show himself' to us (in a way that we want) that we completely miss all the ways He is meeting us, His way.  In some instances, it's so so easy to look at all the things we feel like we don't have or all the things we have missed and not just rest in thanking God for all we DO have.  

So today, I encourage you to thank God for the tissues =)  

2013- Lessons Learned

This post is a little different than most. I've had a really hard time writing lately because there have been some changes and circumstances that have really challenged my thinking. They've caused me to review who I believe and WHO I believe my God to be.

I'm not sure that this will all make perfect sense but writing often helps me sort out my own thoughts.

In February, we lost Ryan's grandmother.  You had to know Ma to understand what this loss was like. She was so special to me.  I called her my BF.  She was one of the few who, I felt like understood me and my life.  She had mothered 5 children and lived to tell about it.  She was amazing about understanding what a day in life of a mom of many was like.  She had this balance about understanding and not just sugarcoating motherhood.  So often I've had people with 2 or 3 kids tell me what a joy motherhood always is and how they're never tired or fried. Those people and their comments caused me to often feel like there was something wrong with me, for at times feeling like I was barely staying above water.  I would call Ma at like 10 pm knowing she'd still be up and after a hard day she'd have some funny story that would help me remember that it was all going to be ok.  I remember after one rough day her telling me that she had once thrown two of the kids clothes out all over the front lawn cause they hadn't cleaned the room like she asked.  She always reminded me that even though it may not be funny at the time there was something to laugh at. Ma lived a full life and there was great comfort in that, she was ok with going to heaven. It hurt and I miss her but it was a loss I could process. 

Lesson learned- love like Ma. She never belittled my day, but she always made me laugh at my day.  Please help others to always see the joy, but don't minimize someone else's experiences.

In July, I turned 30!!! And I also found out I was pregnant with number 8!!!! Well, thirty wasn't such a big deal.  I had to face the fact that I hadn't accomplished all that I had planned to by 30! I still have a book that's not quite finished.  I hadn't made my first million. I still have a lot to do!  The pregnancy thing really sent me for a loop.  I love babies, a lot.  I love the cuddle time, I love the smell, I love the sweet reminder of the amazing potential contained in each little life. But honestly, I've always put quite a bit of pressure on myself when it comes to parenting.  In my option, it's the most important job a person can have and there is no redo button.  And at times that scares me.  I want to make sure that I do it well, because these little people are going to create more little people and I want to leave a Godly legacy.  

Lesson learned- there's no mistake that is too big for my God. I need to focus less on perfect parenting and more on loving God. As I fall more in love with Him, He'll be able to move and make the changes in me that need to happen. 

In October, I received the worse call I've ever received. My BFF ( Shannon), was on the other line and I could barely understand her. I could make out that she was at the hospital with her oldest son, Christiano.  Long story short, he was involved in a horrible accident and sustained injuries that claimed his life. He was only 18.  The kids and I drove up and were there as fast as I could make it.  I can not even describe the hurt and pain in my friend and her family. I was so glad to be able to be there through the services and do what I could to help, but it was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through and it wasn't even my child. I still don't have all the answers I'd like. I feel like I have so little to offer, and that is why I haven't been writing.  Everything seems so small in comparison to an early death. 

Lesson learned - I need to be sure that I KNOW God's character and word fully.  This world and the circumstances within it try to shape God for us, we can't allow that to happen.  I also learned its ok to not know what to do or say and its better to say nothing than something stupid. It's in those moments that depending on His Spirit is enough.  I saw so many well meaning people just say some stupid things.  Telling a grieving parent that they are going to see their child again, is not always helpful.  Let His spirit lead your words so that they are able to bring the healing you desire and not more hurt. 

In November, we started bday season in our house. It felt weird to go back to normal when I got home from RI.  My kids had birthdays and I felt like my heart was still in RI.  

Our oldest turned 10!!! And although I was excited for her, the scary thought arose that my time to invest in her is limited. She is growing up. I was wondering if I have instilled enough in her?  This question reminded me that I need to trust God more.  

She went to her first concert, and she was just so excited.  I was too! I love when I have the opportunity to watch anyone do what they were made to do.  This artist is famous and has been around for years. His ability to influence others for Christ only came about from him allowing God to use him and being confident in WHO God was to him.  

Lesson learned - embrace everyday. Live each day to the fullest and don't compare your walk or call to anyone else's.  If you do, you'll miss the GREAT plans he has for you!  We'll only be able to influence others for Christ, to the fullest, when we are comfortable in being who He made us to be.

In December, we had an opportunity to have our friends spend Christmas with us.  We have only had one of my sisters here for one Christmas in the 3 years we've been here, so having company was super special.  We were all excited to have the company, but it was hard because they were only coming here because of their son passing.  They were coming here to do something different.  We were so excited to have them, even if the circumstances weren't the best.  I wanted so badly to make everything perfect, but I didn't know how. I couldn't give them the one thing they wanted, their son and brother back.  

Lesson learned-  sometimes just being there is all you can offer others who are hurting.  It's ok to be honest and say you don't know why something's happen.  It's ok to tell God you don't understand and it's ok to move forward with doubts or concerns.  God can handle it all. 

As I look forward to 2014, I am thankful for my God who is patient with me. His grace is enough for every situation I will face.  I don't have to understand everything, I just need to trust the One who does.     I need to run to Him with all my questions, all my doubts, all my concerns about the future, and not allow any situation to separate me from Him. He alone is my hope for the future.